


Idiots in a Market

by beanstalks



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Implied erisol - Freeform, feferi can have two moirails. as a treat, implied arafef, just losers being losers in public, they're silly and dumb, this was for a zine!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29602710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beanstalks/pseuds/beanstalks
Summary: Feferi always seems to have some kind of trick up her sleeve when she takes Eridan on 'advenshores'. This one was no exception.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora & Sollux Captor & Feferi Peixes, Sollux Captor & Aradia Megido
Kudos: 3





	Idiots in a Market

**Author's Note:**

> haii this was for [A Little Help From My Friends!!](https://twitter.com/alittlezine) a non-profit homestuck zine all about friendship :3  
> it has two artworks for it which my lovely friends did that can be found in the zine :D i really recommend giving it a look! lots of talented people involved  
> they're just bein sillay. that's it that's the fic.

“Fef, _what,_ ” Eridan forced through gritted teeth. He had ripped his door open and was angrily glaring at Feferi as he stood in his plush purple robe and slippers. Feferi dropped the rocks she’d been throwing at his window and smiled innocently. “I put my phone on _silent_ so you couldn’t interrupt my beauty sleep with your random adventures anymore!”

“Whale, this is finportant!” She grinned widely, and Eridan rolled his eyes, standing there for a moment before relenting as her smile melted his resistance. 

“I’ll be back,” he sighed, darting off to his room to change. 

“Bring money!” She called after him, hanging around in the doorway. Eridan returned a few minutes later in an expectedly pretentious outfit, and Feferi led the way back to her bright pink car.

“So, where are we goin’ today?” Eridan asked once they were buckled. Feferi simply flashed her teeth, focusing on the road as he continued to pester her.

Eventually, Eridan realised where they were headed based on their surroundings, and instantly looked at Feferi in disgust, hand on the door handle. Feferi grinned at him, face bright as he bristled. 

“Really. Out of everyone we could be goin’ to visit, you’re takin’ me to see _him?_ ” He snarled, trying his door handle only to find it locked.

“He’s nice! You’re just overreacting,” she replied, poking her tongue out at him. “Jumping out of my car is a bit extreme, Eridan.” She pulled up and turned to him with a warning finger. “If I get back and you aren’t here, I’m canshelling next week’s pamper night.” Eridan rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, slumping back in his seat with any escape attempt forgotten. 

She pranced up to the large door and rung the doorbell a few times. After a minute or so, a dishevelled Sollux opened the door, rubbing his eyes. He smiled when he saw her, raising his hand in a wave.

“Hey, FF,” he said, voice still grumbly from sleep. “Hang on, let me put some proper clothes on and I’ll be ready.” Feferi instructed him to bring money, and within a few minutes he was out the door behind her, only faltering for a moment when he noticed glaring eyes on him coming from her car.

“At least I get the front seat,” Eridan remarked as they got in. Sollux ignored this, waving lazily.

“Hey ED.”

“Hi,” Eridan replied shortly, turning to Feferi and going back to his previous questioning. Feferi was tight-lipped, just smiling and saying a cryptic ‘you’ll sea’ every now and then.

She took them to a place neither of them were familiar with, somewhere very far away from their usual cafes or salons. They were idly chatting away during the drive, granted with much more curt replies from Eridan, but the other two were used to him being like this before he decided to give in and have fun. 

They pulled up and parked in a car park near a small city. Feferi put on her sunhat, jumping out of the car and gesturing for them to come with her. The other two followed cautiously, looking around at their surroundings.

Apartment buildings were rising up a few stories on either side of them as the path overtook the road. Streamers and bright coloured bunting crisscrossed the roads above their heads, the streets were bustling with trolls, all greeting each other and smiling. Eridan spared a grimace at the lowbloods surrounding them before catching up to Feferi, hissing a question of where they were. Instead of replying, she sped up. Eridan shot an eye roll in Sollux’s direction, who just shrugged.

They rounded a corner, and Eridan’s questions were answered

Little market stalls lined the plaza, countless arrays of items inside of them. They were packed in tightly, the trolls inside happily chatting to customers and each other. Eridan and Sollux took a moment to try and take it all in as a troll rushed up to Feferi and greeted her with a hug, thanking her for coming. They smiled happily at the other two, which made Eridan subconsciously shift closer to Sollux.

Eventually, the troll left with instructions for them to ‘enjoy themselves!’ and Feferi turned, grinning and clasping her hands together.

“So, this is where I wanted to take you! It’s a nice little market with just aboat anything you cod think of!” The two were frozen, and she raised her eyebrows expectantly. “Whale? Go on!” Sollux shuffled off, and Eridan made a big fuss out of rolling his eyes and dragging his feet towards the nearest somewhat-interesting stall.

It turned out to be an eye-catching shop full of jewellery that glittered in the moonlight. Eridan looked closer and noticed they were all handmade. Usually, he’d turn up his nose and make some comment about the imperfections but something about one piece in particular captivated him. Surrounded by various other gems and crystals was a necklace with a small teardrop amethyst. What drew him in was the small wave design above the stone, simple but intricate and well done. Eridan picked it up with a glance to the troll behind the stall who was watching him, barely withholding their glee. 

He held it up to his neck and admired himself in the mirror laid out, immediately enamoured by how it looked. He turned to the troll and paid, still in shock about how perfect the necklace was.

A few stalls in the other direction, Sollux had found a little shop filled with what he dubbed ‘shitty little trinkets’. He spotted something and whirled around, catching Feferi’s eye and waving her over. He held up two plastic water pistols, smirking and raising an eyebrow. Feferi gasped, nudging his arm disapprovingly.

“Sollux! We can’t do that to him!”

“Yes we can,” he replied simply, buying them and moving over to the side, opening up the chamber for water and holding it out to her expectantly. She sighed, getting out the water bottle she carried with her at all times and filling them up, tutting.

“Alright! Fin! But if he gets my car wet you’re cleaning it!”

They made their way over towards Eridan, but on the way Feferi spotted an even _better_ water pistol, and bought it, claiming that ‘if we’re going to do this, we may as whale do it right’. She filled and handed it to Sollux and grabbed the tiny ones, dual-wielding them as Eridan came into view. Sollux put his hands in his pockets, floating the ‘Mega Soaker 3000’ in front of him. The people around them seemed to understand what was going on and cleared out. Eridan was so enveloped in the bonsai trees he was looking at that he didn’t notice anything was different. As he made his way across to the other side of the lane, Feferi called him.

He looked up, a small smile on his face at the sound of Feferi’s voice. He then noticed both his ‘friends’ (who would shortly be dropped to acquaintances) a small distance apart from each other. He also noticed he was looking down three different gun barrels. He held up his hands, backing away.

“Hey, guys? Can we talk this out? Maybe do literally anyfin e-” His pleading was cut off as the two looked at each other, nodded, and pulled their triggers. In the split second he had to act, he pulled up his cape to deflect most of Sollux’s Mega Soaker’s water, but unfortunately, this meant he was struck directly in the face from Feferi’s angle… twice. She cackled as he screeched, and Sollux started guffawing as well as they both got a good look at his drenched face. Eridan glared at them both and was about to say something when Sollux shot him right in the mouth.

“That will make up for how little water he drinks!” Feferi said gleefully as Eridan spat.

“Smoothies and mineral water are _healthy_ , Fef-” He was cut off again as Feferi shot him in the chest, and he clutched at it. “I just got this necklace!!” He shrieked, making eye contact with Sollux as he aimed a little lower. “Sol. Sol don’t go for the dickshot.” Sollux grinned, crossing his arms. “Sollux. Do not.”

“Oooh, the full name!” Feferi giggled, shooting the rest of the contents of her water pistols up into the air so she could catch the liquid in her mouth. “Someone’s in troooubleee~” Eridan rolled his eyes at her and began moving slowly towards Sollux with his hands up. Feferi watched with bated breath as Eridan slowly inched closer, maintaining eye contact with Sollux.

When he got close enough he could touch the pistol, he leaned in towards Sollux, who was staring at him with a dazed look in his eyes. Eridan whispered a simple but stern ‘Solluxander’ and before Feferi could yell out to warn Sollux, Eridan had snatched the pistol out of his mind-grip and shot the remaining water directly into Sollux’s face. He spluttered, shaking his head to get rid of some droplets.

“Motherfucker!” He exclaimed, taking his glasses off to wipe them. Feferi, meanwhile, was doubled over with laughter. 

“That’s what you get for being gay, doofish!” She cackled while Eridan looked down at a soaking Sollux with a smug (but still wet) grin.

“I wasn’t- That’s not-” Sollux stuttered before sighing and giving up. He shoved Eridan gently and whispered an ‘asshole’ under his breath. Eridan turned to Feferi and narrowed his eyes.

“Wait, Fef is the only one who isn’t sufferin’,” he pointed out, and Sollux moved to put an arm on his shoulder, leaning on him and feeling some sense of pride when he didn’t move away.

“Huh, you’re right, ED,” he agreed, and Feferi quickly stopped laughing.

“Hey. Guys,” she said, holding out a finger in warning. “You’re out of water.” The two boys looked at each other, some kind of understanding passing between them as they both surged forward and crushed her in a group hug. She screeched out a protest before sighing and squeezing them back. 

“You both min-know I can’t refuse a hug…” she whined, and they both laughed.

After drying themselves as best as they could, they set off walking together, buying a few things here and there and laughing and joking around. As expected, Eridan had warmed up to socialising. He was now the loudest of the three of them, avidly babbling about the things they found. 

Sollux made an offhand comment about how his feet were starting to hurt, which meant Feferi immediately beelined towards the grassy eating area and claimed a table for them. She shooed them off to go find food, and after a while of deciding, they all made it back to their table, late lunches in hand.

At some point during their meal, a band set up and started playing songs by Troll One Direction. Feferi was gleefully dancing in her seat, and Sollux’s foot was tapping. Eridan, however, refused to even acknowledge that the music was enjoyable, commenting about ‘pop garbage’.

Feferi finished eating and immediately dragged Sollux to his feet, moving his arms and dancing with him. He grinned and started joining in, doing dorky moves like the robot. Eridan sat, a small smirk on his face as he judged their awful dance moves until he was interrupted by an enthusiastic Feferi pulling him up and dancing with him. He rolled his eyes, not budging until he looked to make sure there was no one they knew was around.

After Eridan was sure no one was going to embarrass him, he started letting go and dancing along with his friends. He was probably the most competent dancer there, but he was still clumsily tripping over himself every now and then, laughing at the stupid dance moves the other two were pulling. 

The band started playing some slower ballads, and Feferi took the chance to slow dance with Sollux, swapping to Eridan before shoving them together and dancing by herself. “Play nice!” was her only instruction as she waltzed off. Both of them froze up immediately, unsure of where to begin. After an awkward pause, Eridan cleared his throat, holding out his hands and beckoning for Sollux to join him.

“You don’t know how to slow dance, do you?” He asked as Sollux wiped his hands on his pants before taking Eridan’s hand. He shook his head as they both avoided eye contact. “O-okay, whale, we start like this,” Eridan said, taking Sollux’s other hand and placing it on his shoulder before returning to rest on his waist. “I’m leading, so you just mirror what I’m doing.”

“What if I step on your fancy expensive shoes?” Sollux teased, actually looking at Eridan as he responded.

“I’ll spare your life this time, bee-brain,” Eridan mumbled, and they smiled at each other.

Sollux _did_ step on Eridan’s shoes a total of four times before he finally managed to get the hang of it. At this point, Feferi had made her way back over and tried to figure out how all three of them could dance together at the same time. She only gave up when the band had finished their set and was leaving, huffing about how rude it was that she couldn’t dance with ‘her buoys’.

They started wandering again, and Sollux found a stall that sold various kinds of Earth-honey and stopped to look at the selection they had laid out. Eridan made several jabs about this until the troll running the stall came to greet them, surrounded by bees. Some of the bees buzzed over to him, interested in the floral pattern on his shirt that featured some bees. Feferi cooed, watching them bumble around and bump into him. Sollux smiled at this and purchased some honey, still slightly in awe of the bee-whisperer.

There was an inside part of the market, which mostly held stalls with handmade clothes. Sollux dragged his feet as the other two excitedly stepped in, ready to spend what would probably be a large chunk of their money on clothing. 

After a large amount of time that would probably be skipped over via montage in a teen movie, Sollux had had enough of suffering through this alone. He was asked his opinion on WAY too many varying shades of purple and pink. He pulled out his phone and dialled the first number in his contacts.

“Sollux. Hi,” she replied, and he immediately delved into a long tale of where they were and how everything sucked because his fishy friends wouldn’t stop being addicted to trying things on and by the time he’d finished he wasn’t really sure if Aradia was listening anymore. 

“And now I’m sitting here while they try on-” he paused to glance up. “A glittery shirt and a shell dress, respectively.” He sat for a moment before realising he wasn’t very clear. “Feferi’s in the dress. This time.”

“Well! It sounds like you’re all having fun,” she said, and Sollux heard some scraping sounds.

“I’m not. That’s the whole reason I called, AA,” he sighed, hearing the scraping again. “What are you doing?”

“Oh! I’m using a toy excavation kit Tavros gave me to find a small dinosaur egg that I can then put in water to make it grow. It’s a pretty decent gift.”

“Ah.”

“I hope I get a triceratops or megalodon. Say hi to Feferi for me, by the way!” Sollux sighed again, calling Feferi over and handing his phone to her. They started having an enthused conversation, which left Sollux to stare vacantly at whatever Eridan was trying on. After a few stupid exaggerated poses to get Sollux’s attention, the two started exchanging weird poses in silence, grins on their faces. It was only when Feferi nudged him with his phone that they snapped out of it, going back to what they were doing as if nothing had happened.

“Hi,” Sollux greeted.

“Hi!” Aradia replied, and Sollux could hear her smile still on her face from talking to Feferi. “Fef told me you did some dancing with Eridan?” Sollux let out a loud sigh, already seeing where this was going. “Are you going to stop bickering with him so we can finally go on that double date without you destroying the place?”

“Alright, bye AA,” he replied, hanging up as she protested. Betrayed by his only escape, he was left to blink and watch as the other two paraded around excitedly. He guessed there was a charm to how invested they were in the fabric.

Sollux had to sacrifice some of his dignity to drag them out of there; three matching shirts shoved into the bottom of Feferi’s bag. He vowed he would never stoop so low as to match with the other two, but he already knew that was a lie. 

The market stalls were starting to pack up, and Eridan and Sollux snuck away from Feferi’s clutches as she began chatting to another troll. They wandered for a while in the darkening streets, watching as trolls slowly shut up their stores and ignoring whenever their hands brushed.

“We should get her a present,” Eridan suddenly said, perking up and turning to Sollux. “Fef, I mean.”

“No shit you mean FF,” Sollux received a glare in response, so he showed more interest. “What present were you thinking?”

“Um. I’m not sure,” was Eridan’s helpful reply. Sollux rolled his eyes, and they both looked around, brainstorming. Struck by something he’d seen, Eridan rushed forward to a stall that was packing things away. Sollux followed and immediately knew what he’d noticed. 

A small plush octopus that was in the hands of the merchant. Eridan struggled through expressing what he wanted, and by the time the troll understood Sollux was already holding out the money. Eridan let out an affronted noise as the exchange occurred, elbowing Sollux as they walked back.

“I saw it first! I should be giving it to her!” 

“Too bad,” Sollux poked his tongue out at Eridan, dodging when he reached for the plush. 

When Eridan gave chase, he rushed ahead to where Feferi was looking for them, holding it behind his back.

“Oh! There you guys are. I was getting worried,” she said, smiling at them and starting to lead the way back to her car.

“Wait!” Eridan said, finally catching up. Sollux held out the plush to her, only for Eridan to snatch it from him and hold it out to her himself. “I got this for you.”

“WE got this for you,” Sollux corrected, nudging him with his elbow. Feferi gently picked up the octopus and teared up.

“Oh… She’s so cute…” she whispered, looking up to them with wet eyes. “I love her.” Sollux grinned at a grumpy Eridan, who gave in and smiled as Feferi pulled them both into a hug. “You guys are the basst. I should take you on advenshores more often!”

“Fef, no- please let me sleep-“ Eridan protested.

“You really should!” Sollux grinned, ignoring Eridan pinching him to squeeze them both closer.

**Author's Note:**

> troll one direction ISN'T pop garbage, fuck you eridan.


End file.
